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Post by 1tim315 on Jun 6, 2022 5:04:30 GMT
I have been married for 15 years
Attend mass every week, past grand knight KofC
Always earn 200k plus a year
Physically fit, no vices
My entire marriage my wife has been negative she wasn’t this way before we where married basically when it comes to me or the kids 80% of what she says is “pick this up” “why didn’t you do this” “fix this” “clean this” “you snore” “I don’t like how you parked the truck”
It is exhausting we only have intimacy less than every other month because it can only be on her terms.
I really don’t like being around her but I know the goal of marriage is to help each other be saved and get closer to Christ we do pray together and as a family
My kids are very well behaved, excellent students and close to Christ
But my wife is exhausting
There has really been no change in the 15 years of me trying to do different things and the older we get the more negative she becomes
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Post by StellaMaris on Jun 6, 2022 21:45:07 GMT
It's draining to be around someone who is so negative all the time. It must be such a dismal life for the negative person themselves as well. How would she feel about going to marriage counselling? I know people resist the idea but I was a volunteer (as Admin and Intercessory prayer group) with a Catholic organisation that did marriage and family counselling, for 10 years and I know it can be so illuminating and healing.
Wishing you all the best. 🙏
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Post by farronwolf on Jun 6, 2022 23:15:18 GMT
I have been married for 15 years Attend mass every week, past grand knight KofC Always earn 200k plus a year Physically fit, no vices My entire marriage my wife has been negative she wasn’t this way before we where married basically when it comes to me or the kids 80% of what she says is “pick this up” “why didn’t you do this” “fix this” “clean this” “you snore” “I don’t like how you parked the truck” It is exhausting we only have intimacy less than every other month because it can only be on her terms. I really don’t like being around her but I know the goal of marriage is to help each other be saved and get closer to Christ we do pray together and as a family My kids are very well behaved, excellent students and close to Christ But my wife is exhausting There has really been no change in the 15 years of me trying to do different things and the older we get the more negative she becomes What does your wife do? Does she work outside the home, does she volunteer any place, does she have hobbies, does she have a regular group of friends she interacts with? In jest, I will offer that once the wedding cake has been eaten, all bets are off. Blame it on the cake. Again, in jest. |
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Post by Thanks on Jun 7, 2022 4:41:36 GMT
My wife is a stay at home mom and home schools our kids we live in a very rural area she has some other close friends (moms) who hone school, she also has the responsibility of helping manage the accounting for our business and working on investments with me
We live at a ski resort and she skis with our kids and other moms over 100 days a year
I am gone at work Monday -Friday about 10-14 hours a day but never work weekends and take most Fridays off
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Post by tisbearself on Jun 8, 2022 15:19:01 GMT
I'm sorry you're having troubles with your wife. It's good that you go to Mass and support your family, but that doesn't guarantee that a person will never have difficulties in their marriage.
Have you had marriage counseling?
If this has been going on for years it seems like an entrenched behavior, and professional counseling would likely be helpful in understanding why it's happening and how to address it.
Also, have you discussed this with your wife at all? It seems like it would be most productive to have a talk with her and ask her why she does this and tell her how it makes you feel. She may have some issues to share with you as well.
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Post by farronwolf on Jun 8, 2022 15:39:41 GMT
I agree, have you asked your wife what is bothering her, or why she is acting this way. Communication is key in any relationship.
If she home schools the kids, does the housework, entertains the kids, does the books for the company, it seems like she has full time work schedule as well.
If you are working 10-14 hours a day, you are probably pretty beat when you get home and it does take time to recover. She is probably working that many hours as well with the list of things she has to do.
The thing is, you all need to talk, without getting angry, agreeing not to hold grudges, and find out what she expects from you, what is bothering her, and vice versa.
Just curious, how long did you date before you all got married.
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Post by tth1 on Jun 10, 2022 11:49:59 GMT
I have to ask why it is necessary for you both to work such long hours. There is nothing wrong with a good work ethic but based solely on what you have said t seems to me that is what your lives are based around. It seems there is no time left for you and your wife to spend any time together on your relationship.
As others have said perhaps in a less abrupt way your OP seems very much about you. I suspect, because this is all too common, you and your wife have become entrenched in your positions and I would think your wife feels about you as you do about her. If you want your marriage to survive, but more than that, to improve, and I think you do, you've been given the answer several times already: go to counselling. That will, of course, only work if you're both willing to be completely frank in stating all your frustrations, problems, issues and worries. You have to listen to each other and be prepared to both admit the other spouse probably certainly raises valid points. When your problems have been honestly aired you can then work on addressing and resolving them. It won't be easy but both of you will have to listen to and accept the others criticisms. The process will be painful but what's the alternative? Do you want to maintain the status quo or make a definite effort at repairing the problems in your marriage? I think the fact you're still together suggests you'd both like to repair it. |
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Post by katy777 on Sept 7, 2022 19:13:31 GMT
I have been married for 15 years Attend mass every week, past grand knight KofC Always earn 200k plus a year Physically fit, no vices My entire marriage my wife has been negative she wasn’t this way before we where married basically when it comes to me or the kids 80% of what she says is “pick this up” “why didn’t you do this” “fix this” “clean this” “you snore” “I don’t like how you parked the truck” It is exhausting we only have intimacy less than every other month because it can only be on her terms. I really don’t like being around her but I know the goal of marriage is to help each other be saved and get closer to Christ we do pray together and as a family My kids are very well behaved, excellent students and close to Christ But my wife is exhausting There has really been no change in the 15 years of me trying to do different things and the older we get the more negative she becomes That is not the way of a Catholic Marriage... does she attend Mass and practice her faith? I am sorry she's negative. Perhaps a marriage encounter will help. We all need a reminder vsometimes.. |
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