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Post by Beryllos on Feb 25, 2017 14:14:50 GMT
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Post by pensmama87 on Feb 25, 2017 17:45:02 GMT
Ha, while driving around today running errands it occurred to me that my frustrations with this person acutely resemble my frustrations with many of the threads at TOP, specifically, unhappy marriage and family threads. Solicit advice, get some bad, some neutral, but then at least one or two really solid pieces of advice, that are completely dismissed or ignored because it's easier to pretend that you're completely a victim of your own circumstances, and have no agency. It's just more acute in this situation because I actually know this person. ROPA, indeed.
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Post by upupandaway on Feb 25, 2017 19:15:20 GMT
That would drive me bananas after a while. I think most people have limited capacity to endure in such a situation. I regularly spend small bursts of time away from my parish for this reason.
Furthermore, sacrificing one's own mental health to assist someone else in improving theirs could result in both of you needing help. It's counterproductive. Take care of others, but don't forget to address your own needs too.
Praying for you and your acquaintance!
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Post by Irishmom on Feb 25, 2017 19:53:01 GMT
Commence venting: There is an acquaintance I've been getting to know in my moms' group (real life) who drives me absolutely batty. There are mental health issues at play, which makes me feel horrible that I dislike this person so strongly, because some of it can't be helped, but many activities or discussions we plan have been derailed by endless reminders of her limitations and problems. When we've interacted one-on-one, she has bizarre and nonsensical requests. She needs a lot of help, but only seems willing to accept help that (in my mind) enables her poor behavior. I'm at a point now where I want to avoid her at pretty much any cost. Part of that is definitely me and my selfishness, so prayers appreciated. That's a difficult situation to be exposed to. You can only help people that want to be helped. But enabling is not really helping, is it... For myself, I couldn't do that for long. I certainly would be limiting my one on one time with her.
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Post by pensmama87 on Feb 25, 2017 21:33:24 GMT
That's a difficult situation to be exposed to. You can only help people that want to be helped. But enabling is not really helping, is it... For myself, I couldn't do that for long. I certainly would be limiting my one on one time with her. That's going to be my approach as much as possible. It is frustrating because I've been there - I've had anxiety and depression, and adjusting to motherhood was really hard for me. I want to help other people so they don't have to wallow in the same stuff I did, and she's not interested in that, so it's not getting better. And the fallout from that affects her, her marriage, her children, and it makes it hard for others who, if she'd chill out a little, would be really happy to befriend her. In this way she's really her own worst enemy. But she doesn't see it that way. I've been trying to pray for her, and for me to be detached from getting emotional about it. That has helped some.
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Post by pianistclare on Feb 26, 2017 1:40:25 GMT
Ha, while driving around today running errands it occurred to me that my frustrations with this person acutely resemble my frustrations with many of the threads at TOP, specifically, unhappy marriage and family threads. Solicit advice, get some bad, some neutral, but then at least one or two really solid pieces of advice, that are completely dismissed or ignored because it's easier to pretend that you're completely a victim of your own circumstances, and have no agency. It's just more acute in this situation because I actually know this person. ROPA, indeed. Oh, you are so right about that. Here's the typical scenario: - Person comes on describing alleged problem (the problem is them actually, or their own perceptions)
- People reply.
- People are frank. Give reasonable advice.
- More people come on "Oh poor you, you're need to be strong!"
- Someone comes on and nails it. A bit stronger words, illustrating flaw in logic and offering alternative thoughts.
- OP comes back, totally ignores sane advice, thanks sympathetic people profusely.
- People come on to refute said unhelpful advice, and the sympathetic people start advising the OP to put sane posters on ignore, avoid the elder posters.
- People repeat sane advice.
- OP ignores posts, continues to thank all the wonderful people who really care.
Rinse, Repeat ad nauseum.
So disturbing I'm sure we all know the 4 or 5 folks who do this every.single day.
Drives me bonkers. One of them was even proven to be a sock puppet and they are posting!!!!! GAH!!!!!
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Post by pianistclare on Feb 26, 2017 3:58:06 GMT
Because some people never learn.
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Post by katie on Feb 26, 2017 4:18:33 GMT
Ha, while driving around today running errands it occurred to me that my frustrations with this person acutely resemble my frustrations with many of the threads at TOP, specifically, unhappy marriage and family threads. Solicit advice, get some bad, some neutral, but then at least one or two really solid pieces of advice, that are completely dismissed or ignored because it's easier to pretend that you're completely a victim of your own circumstances, and have no agency. It's just more acute in this situation because I actually know this person. ROPA, indeed. Oh, you are so right about that. Here's the typical scenario: - Person comes on describing alleged problem (the problem is them actually, or their own perceptions)
- People reply.
- People are frank. Give reasonable advice.
- More people come on "Oh poor you, you're need to be strong!"
- Someone comes on and nails it. A bit stronger words, illustrating flaw in logic and offering alternative thoughts.
- OP comes back, totally ignores sane advice, thanks sympathetic people profusely.
- People come on to refute said unhelpful advice, and the sympathetic people start advising the OP to put sane posters on ignore, avoid the elder posters.
- People repeat sane advice.
- OP ignores posts, continues to thank all the wonderful people who really care.
Rinse, Repeat ad nauseum.
So disturbing I'm sure we all know the 4 or 5 folks who do this every.single day.
Drives me bonkers. One of them was even proven to be a sock puppet and they are posting!!!!! GAH!!!!!
Yes.. and the 50 profiles I have on ignore equate to about 5 actual people..
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Post by pianistclare on Feb 26, 2017 4:26:09 GMT
I'll bet we had the same ones on ignore, LOL
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Post by pianistclare on Feb 26, 2017 4:27:20 GMT
I'll bet we had the same ones on ignore, LOL
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Post by pianistclare on Feb 26, 2017 4:28:08 GMT
I'll bet we had the same ones on ignore, LOL
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Post by katie on Feb 26, 2017 5:08:03 GMT
I'll bet we had the same ones on ignore, LOL Yes..I'm sure alot of people do. Very annoying.
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Post by upupandaway on Feb 27, 2017 10:28:14 GMT
So here we are, two days before the start of Lent, and once again the parish is only going to have Stations on Good Friday. All my life I remember there being Stations every Friday of Lent, but not here. In the past I've been made to feel like a sideshow freak for even suggesting we should have Stations every Friday, so I don't mention it anymore. Sometimes I feel so alone in how I practice the faith despite being surrounded by people who claim to believe what I do.
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Post by tawny on Feb 27, 2017 13:04:25 GMT
That is unfortunate, there should be Stations of the Cross every Friday of Lent. We have them after the 11:30A & 7:30P Masses.
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Post by katie on Feb 27, 2017 15:19:47 GMT
So here we are, two days before the start of Lent, and once again the parish is only going to have Stations on Good Friday. All my life I remember there being Stations every Friday of Lent, but not here. In the past I've been made to feel like a sideshow freak for even suggesting we should have Stations every Friday, so I don't mention it anymore. Sometimes I feel so alone in how I practice the faith despite being surrounded by people who claim to believe what I do. Yes that's unfortunate...perhaps you can pray the stations online, they are on you tube..but yes it's different then praying with others in church.. and a shame your parish does not have this
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